Table of Contents
Introduction 11
57,000 Channels and Nothing On 14
The "News" 16
HD or FU 18
Apple of My Ire 19
The New iPhone 20
The Old Facebook 22
What Do You Mean, No Wi-Fi? 24
My Book Ran Out of Batteries, and Other Modern Complaints 26
GPStress 28
No Service 30
Tumblr-Twitter-Facebook-Is Down! 32
Pinterest Is Down! 34
Phone Groaning 36
Et Tu, Netflix? 38
The Pains of Pandora 40
Too Much Technology 42
Retail Reactions 44
My Name Is Vicki, not Vicky! 46
Consumer Retorts 48
Products, Products Everywhere-And Not a Thing to Buy 50
Money for Nothing 52
Too Rich 54
Checks and Imbalances 56
An Embarrassment by Riches 58
How the Other "Half" "Lives" 60
Whole Foods' Bold Fools 62
The High Cost of Low Class 64
Pining for Poverty 66
Criminal Negligence 68
I Swear, Some People 70
Be Neither Seen Nor Heard 72
No Tip for You 74
Don't You Be My Neighbor 76
Customer Disservice 78
Waiter Haters 80
Yelp, That Was Terrible 82
Bed Dread 84
Bull Sheets 86
Now Lie in It 88
In the Closet 90
The Perils of Single Ply 92
Disappointing Gifts 94
Pet Peeves 96
Under Pressure 98
Harried by Sperry 99
French Cuffs 100
I Don't Wanna Work 102
Music Snobs 104
FestiFAIL 106
Wine Whine 107
The Stars Whine Just Like Us 108
All Hopped Up 110
Um, I Ordered a Complicated Coffee, So… 112
CilantrOH NO 114
Vengeful Vegans 116
The Everyday Gourmand 118
Keurig: Changing the Way We Complain about Coffee 120
Trouble in the Water 122
I Ate Too Much 124
Golf Grumbling 125
Training, Complaining at the Gym 126
Nothing Fits My Perfect Body 128
The Stress of Yoga 130
Boat Gloating 132
Going Off the Deep End 134
Horses and Pony Moans 136
White on White: The First-World on Skiing 138
I Need a Vacation from This Vacation 142
Wish You Were Here … Instead of Me 144
Paradise Lost 145
The Whitest Whiners 146
Down on the Ground 147
Ugh, Europe 148
Up in the Air 150
First-er Class 152
Hotel Haters 154
Expensive Car, Expansive Whine 156
Beemer Screamers 158
Going Topless 160
Leaner Moaners 162
Charitable Flaws 164
The People vs. the First-World 166
Traffic 168
Never Forget Whine/11 169
White History Month 170
Hyperbole Is Worse Than the Holocaust 172
Foreign Disaster, Local Tragedy 174
Hurricane Pain 176
Shut Up, Mr. President 178
No Habla Anything Other Than This Language 180
Feminisn't 182
Handicapped People: Disabling the Rest of Us 184
The Horror of the Homeless 186
Hipster Bashing 188
Gamer Grief 190
It's My Birthday, and I'll Whine if I Want To 194
Fuck You, Mom and/or Dad 196
Just Die Already! 198
Raising the Next Generation of Whiners 200
I Don't Want to Dye 202
Nail Fail 204
The Problems with Pampering 206
Tan-Trums 208
Tiffany? You're Kidding Me 210
Like Visa, I'm Accepted Everywhere 212
The Doorman 213
No Free Rides on the Scholarship 214
No Place Like Home 216
Luxury2 219
Conclusion 223
